Do you struggle with self_pity?

 

Self pity can be defined as excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one own trouble. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines self-pity as a self_ indulgent dwelling on one's own sorrow. Self-pity can drain someone's happiness. It would make your situation look as though you can never come out of it. If not properly handled, it can cause depression.

It is very easy to fall into self-pity especially if you do not guard your heart well (Proverbs 4:23

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.")

Sometimes self-pity seems like the easiest route to escape pain, so instead of looking for ways to come out of whatever negative situation, it seems easier to just stay there and wallow in self-pity. Let's say you are not happy with your grades in school, and you know sincerely that it is because you have not been up and doing. Instead of working harder, sometimes we prefer doing nothing but feeling sorry for ourselves or shifting the blame on other circumstances. Self-pity is just like a monster of the mind, the more you feed it, the stronger it becomes and the more authority you give it to control you mind and therefore your life. Don't forget that for you to change a man's life you need to work on the mind first. I read in an article that says "when you engage in self-pity, you overestimate your problems and underestimate your ability to cope". In other words you magnify the problem in your mind to the extent that the possibility of a solution becomes unreal to you.

Self-pity like any other bad habit is not something you suddenly just become free from. It is a very addictive behavior, so you have to be intentional about saying no to it whenever it surfaces in your mind. Like to day I was watching a vlog on YouTube and the girl was doing something I had always wanted to do but cause of circumstances I haven't been able to. So I started to feel pity for my self, but immediately I realized it, I knew I had to stop the train of thought, so I began to think positive thoughts and I reminded my self of what am grateful for. 

Causes of self-pity

1. Unhealthy comparison 

I feel like this is what causes self-pity the most. When you start measuring your success, achievement, prosperity etc. with that of another person, you start to feel like you are not good enough, and if you can't do anything about it, you begin to feel self-pity. Comparison as they say is the thief of joy. A person might be in a position where they are happy and satisfied even though they don't have it all, But the moment they begin to look at other people's life especially those that are in the same age range, They start to feel like a failure and feel some unnecessary pressure to become like them. People's progress in any area of life should motivate you not make you feel pity for your self. I know it is not easy. Everyone, at one point of their lives have had to or is going to have to struggle with unhealthy comparison especially in this social media age, but it is left for you to choose whether you are going to get out of it feeling motivated or wallowing in self-pity, the choice is yours. Don't forget that another person's reaping time might just be your time of planting. 2 Corinthians 10:12b says "But they measuring themselves by themseves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.".

From this passage we can see that even God dislikes comparison. God knows that he created each one of us uniquely for a unique purpose. So to him, it is very foolish to compare yourself to other people. 

2. Envy

 It is one of the negative emotion that everyone one must get rid of if they want to enjoy life. There would always be something to reach out for. There would always be someone doing better than us, someone that we are better than and someone would always be in a position that we would love to attain whether we feel like they deserve it or not. So why envy. 

It is so bad that it even shows up in our families. You would see brothers and sisters, husband's and wives getting envious of each other. Envy might show itself at any point in time. It can push us into pitying ourselves because we do not have what the other person has. But instead of allowing it take control of our minds we can choose to be happy for the other party. For example, if someone got a scholarship that you have been trying so hard to get, you are likely at that point to be envious, but you have to choose the right emotion which is joy and love. Celebrate them, congratulate them. Even if you don't feel that way you don't necessarily have to act according to your feelings, sometimes you have to act outside it. So choose to be happy for them and while doing that, do not feel discouraged, keep hope alive and continue to pursue your goals.

3. Discontentment 

You have to be satisfied with what you have now. Yes it can get better but try to be contended and make the best use of the resources that you have now. I remember watching a video on Facebook about contentment.

 Someone was driving a sport car and then looked at an airplane flying in the sky, and wished he had one, another man was driving a normal car on the road, and he sighted the same man in the sport car and wished he had one. Another person riding a bicycle looked at the one riding a car and wished he had one. A boy who was walking on the road with his legs functioning properly looked at the man riding the bicycle and wished he had one, and lastly they showed a boy with crutches looking at the one with normal legs, and also he wished his legs were normal. They just stopped there in that video but you and I know that the case of the last person is definitely not the worst at least he has his eyes to see where he was going. You can see from this scenario the importance  of contentment and gratitude. Am sure each one of them would have gone home that day feeling sorry for themselves and wishing that they had what they saw, not knowing that their case is not the worst after all. 

Ways to tackle self-pity

 1. Show gratitude

Be grateful for everything starting from your life. Always give thanks (1 Thessalonians 5:18 "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you). Celebrate every mile Stone. Never settle for less always aim higher but in the process dont forget to look back and be grateful for how far you have come.

2. Surround your self with the right people

 I have a friend that always make me feel good about my self. She reminds me of how I have impacted her life and how amazing I am. Sometimes when we feel self-pity instead of just staying in that spot feeling sad and full of regret, we can go around people whether, friends or family that lift our spirits, boost our confidence and reminds us of how much of an amazing person we are.

3. Self motivation 

Sometimes when such people are not in proximity we might just be the only one remaining to motivate our self. These are the list of things I think you can do at that moment 

1. Listen to good music 

2. Watch motivational videos

3. Speak positive words to your spirit 

4. Read self-help books

5. Replace negative thoughts with better ones

6. Get busy doing what you love or what your passionate about etc.

4. Talk to God in prayer 

This is very important. Talk to your creator, tell him exactly how you're feeling about the whole situation, trust with your whole heart that he is going to come through for you and watch him do the rest. Self-pity is a negative emotion that the enemy, tries to throw inside our minds. That is why it is important to always talk to the one who is capable of defeating the enemy. Jesus paid the price, so you have to believe that even before you start the fight you are already more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37

"Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us). 

In conclusion, always believe in your self. Live and feel like you are worthy of every good thing that life can offer. Don't pity your self, don't feel like other people deserve better, but you don't. In Genesis, after God created man in his own image and likeness he said to them, be fruitful multiply and subdue the earth. So all human being have been given that equal right to subdue the earth not to subdue one other. So do not feel less because God does not see you that way. Make sure to always grow in every aspect. Live like royalty that you are and be intentional every day about not wallowing in self-pity.